1. Never pure bred

2. Almost always as ugly as a stick

3. Usually named Beau, Dog, or Dammit

4. Snores when he sleeps

5. Passes large quantities of gas

6. Able to ride in the back of a pickup truck without falling out

7. Chases practically anything unless asked to

8. Barks at everyone and everything but the person breaking into the house.

9. A constant companion and source of understanding for his owner.

10. Usually lives to be 150 in dog years unless he is run over by his owner's wife.