[ ] sir   [ ] clueless one   [ ] great man on campus   [ ] boor   [ ] Elvis
[ ] madam   [ ] moon beam   [ ] Babe [ ] Geek  [ ] Boob 
[ ] dweeb  [ ] twerp   [ ] twit [ ] Communist  [ ] Republican
[ ] Democrat   [ ] Liberal   [ ] Conservative [ ] Other

You are being gently flamed because:

IN GENERAL:

[ ] you SCREAMED! (used all caps)
[ ] you posted the inanely stupid 'Make Money Fast' article
[ ] you posted the inanely stupid '$250 Cookie Recipe' article
[ ] you posted an inanely stupid magic weight-loss article
[ ] you posted an inanely stupid cheap s**t at high prices article
[ ] you posted an inanely stupid 'Fix Your Credit' article
[ ] you posted an inanely stupid "Good Time Virus" warning.
[ ] you repeatedly have shown lack of humor
[ ] you have a SIG with more than 4 lines of ASCII graphics
[ ] you assumed that AOL/CIS/Prodigy founded the Internet
[ ] you assumed that the Internet is a U.S. only phenomenon
[ ] you repeatedly requested info on where to find XXX stuff.
[ ] you repeatedly harassed people with androgynous names like Chris, Jamie, or Rajhatmalhaban, with "Are you a girl?" or "M/F?" questions.

FOR LISTSERVS (Open discussion Groups)

[ ] you sent a 'please remove me from the list' message to the list rather than the list-sever
[ ] you continued a boring useless stupid thread
[ ] you repeatedly posted to the same thread that you just posted to
[ ] you repeatedly initiated incoherent, flaky, and mindless threads
[ ] you posted a piece riddled with profanities
[ ] you advocated Net censorship
[ ] you repeatedly assumed unwarranted moral or intellectual superiority
[ ] you are under the misapprehension that this group is your preserve
[ ] you are apparently under compulsion to post to every thread
[ ] you are posting an anonymous attack
[ ] you responded to an obvious troll
[ ] you posted an obvious troll
[ ] you are an obvious troll
[ ] you neglected to do research on the chosen subject
[ ] you asked a question that was covered in the available FAQ
[ ] you redundantly covered the same point over and over
[ ] you cross-posted  excessively
[ ] you used long lines, i.e. you didn't break up your lines after 60-70 characters, thereby making it hard to quote your post.
[ ] You posted a request to send business/get well cards to a little boy with cancer who is trying to break the Guinness book record.
[ ] Over 90% of your post was quoted from a previous post.
[ ] Over 90% of your post was quoted from a previous post and your addition was "I agree" or "Me too."
[ ] Barged into a quiet little newsgroup/IRC channel/MUD/whatever and started stinking up the place just because you read an article about the Newsgroup/IRC channel/MUD/ whatever in some magazine or had seen it on TV etc....

[ ]You discussed the following in a non-nutcase newsgroup:
[ ] hollow earth theory
[ ] alien President theory
[ ] orbital mind control frisbees
[ ] faith healing
[ ] government weather control
[ ] Russian psychics
[ ] Squeaky Fromme
[ ] the nation of France
[ ] robot spy bees
[ ] sexually promiscuous space aliens
[ ] "Manos, the Hands of Fate"
[ ] Beavis & Butthead anything
[ ] flat earth theory
[ ] government conspiracy theory
[ ] the veracity of any X-Files plot (see all of the above)
[ ] Other

[ ]You considered the following to be reliable reference sources:
[ ] Golden Books' "Exploring Science", printed 1955
[ ] Any program covered by Talk Soup   or   [ ] SNL News
[ ] Oliver Stone
[ ] Hard Copy   [ ] Inside Edition  [ ] The National Enquirer   [ ] The Sun
[ ] NY Post
[ ] The Union Leader    [ ] Pravda    [ ] OMNI Magazine
[ ] Company Marketing Hype    [ ] Microsoft
[ ] The Simpsons
[ ] An unidentified, but obviously stupid, person or publication
[ ] Other:

In the future, you may wish to:
[ ] do not delete the "welcome to the list" message you received when you joined
[ ] allow boring and useless threads to die
[ ] remember that not all newsreaders are threaded
[ ] recall that there are academic and commercial users on the net
[ ] remember that the Internet is multinational
[ ] consider that others may know more about certain subjects than you
[ ] exercise some humility
[ ] be careful of where you are cross-posting  to
[ ] 'lurk' without posting for a few days to learn the forum of a group
[ ] get used to being mocked
[ ] stop volunteering for Armed Forces pharmaceutical experiments

I would like  to suggest that, for the common good, you:
[ ] wait at least two hours before responding to another post
[ ] read the FAQ (frequently asked questions) list for the group
[ ] learn to use the 'kill' command to eliminate erroneous posts
[ ] post only to alt.no.brains
[ ] selectively respond to threads after reading all new messages in that thread
[ ] voluntarily apologize in a brief post
[ ] no longer contribute to this newsgroup/mailing list
[ ] no longer contribute to any newsgroup/mailing list
[ ] no longer contribute to the gene pool
[ ] look into the possibility of medication for the above problems
[ ] familiarize yourself with the history of the Internet
[ ] familiarize yourself with the concept of:  [ ] patience   [ ] tolerance
[ ] caution
   [ ] common courtesy   [ ] succinctness   [ ] vocabulary   [ ] higher brain functions
[ ] Re-install what ever failed mental operating system you are currently running on
[ ] Other:

Please save this message and review it occasionally to determine your progress toward being:

[ ] a useful member of Internet society
[ ] a less annoying member of Internet society
[ ] a tolerable poster
[ ] a human being
[ ] a fully-functional human being
[ ] integrated into humanity
[ ] re-integrated into the wild
[ ] Other: