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The Male Stages of Life

 
   
AGE     DRINK 
17         Beer 
25         Beer 
35         Vodka 
48         Double vodka 
66         Maalox 
   
SEDUCTION LINE 
17         My parents are away for the weekend. 
25         My girlfriend is away for the weekend. 
35         My fiancee is away for the weekend. 
48         My wife is away for the weekend. 
66         My second wife is dead. 
   
FAVORITE SPORT 
17         Sex 
25         Sex 
35         Sex 
48         Sex 
66         Napping 
   
DRUG 
17         Pot 
25         Coke 
35         Really good coke 
48         Power 
66         Coke, a limousine, the company jet 
   
DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE 
17         "Tongue" 
25         "Breakfast" 
35         "She didn't set back my therapy." 
48         "I didn't have to meet her kids." 
66         "Got home alive." 
   
FAVORITE FANTASY 
17         Getting to third 
25         Airplane sex 
35         Menage a trois 
48         Taking the company public 
66         Swiss maid/Nazi love slave 
   
HOUSE PET 
17         Roaches 
25         Stoned-out college roommate 
35         Irish setter 
48         Children from his first marriage 
66         Barbi 
   
WHAT'S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED? 
17         25 
25         35 
35         48 
48         66 
66         17 
   
IDEAL DATE 
17         Triple Stephen King feature at a drive-in 
25         "Split the check before we go back to my place" 
35         "Just come over." 
48         "Just come over and cook." 
66         Sex in the company jet on the way to Vegas.


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