Although the following four really didn't fit the topic, they were so funny we had to include them as a separate, absurd version of today's Top Ten:

4. Write that children's book he's always wanted to. (mrnormal99@aol.com)

3. Spend hours a day at Starbucks, filling his journal with beautiful poetry. (whtchrstms@aol.com)

2. Upgrade to AOL 4.0. (ltchandler@aol.com)

Smallben31@hotmail.com should have been on Tyson's defense team. He can see it was all a big misunderstanding:

1. Sue the shampoo company that accidentally put "Lather, rinse, beat your girlfriend, repeat as necessary" on the instruction labels of its products instead of the normal "Lather, rinse, repeat as necessary."

And now, the REAL Top Ten Things Mike Tyson Plans to Do When Released from Prison:

10. Presently divided between becoming a Scientologist and whupping the hell out of some innocent passerby. (mlehde9276@aol.com)

9. Hang out with O.J. to learn how to commit brutal acts of violence AND stay out of prison (jebet@computron.net)

8. Try to beat his old record of "How long can I stay free this time?" (elliewoman@aol.com)

7. Pursue his career as a professional lisp reader. (hmb3223@aol.com)

6. Instead of flying into a rage, just stroll into a rage.(seasons765@aol.com)

5. Reserve a private cell for the return trip. (halfoat11@aol.com)

4. Radical surgery to fix women's vocal cords somehow transplanted into the "baddest man on earth." (bjwranger@aol.com)

3. Teach his son the "ABG's." (griffin396@aol.com)

2. He has no plans--he's just gonna play it by ear. (b8edbreth@aol.com)

Dokterrock@aol.com has a little bad news for all of you in the form of his number one response:

1. Kick the ass of everyone who submitted a response to this topic.