I'd like to cross mice with lemmings, so that they'd all walk right into my cat's mouth, because I'm sick of feeding him. -- Jeffrey Lampert

Instead of dropping "Cluster Bombs" on enemy targets, we should be dropping "Cluster Legos," 'cause damn, those things hurt when you step on them! -- Rick Myers

Sometimes I think about going to the gym and working out in order to impress women, but hey, that's why I learned UNIX. -- Mike B.

Vacuuming is so much more fun when the hamsters are loose. -- Meghan Skinner

My only meaningful goal in life is to be remembered for my righting. -- Tristan Fabriani

If there were no gravity, we'd all go flying off into space and die. On the other hand, it would probably be easier to get my car keys out of this storm drain. -- Joseph Moore

Bill Gates may be rich and famous now, but I still didn't pick him to be on our dodge-ball team in the second grade. -- Alf Whit