While on routine patrol...
I was in the car because the coffee shop was closed.

The motorist was operating his vehicle in a reckless manner...
He had a bumper sticker that said "SLOW DOWN--DON'T FEED THE PIGS"

The accident scene and the safety of the victims prevented this officer from doing traffic control.
It was raining.

This officer went out-of-service to obtain intelligence information from a street informant.
It was too hot to ride in the car

I observed the suspect acting in a suspicious manner...
The dirt-bag let go with an 'Oink' as I walked by.

The members of the press at the scene were offered every courtesy within departmental policies...
I sent them to a non-existent address which I called the 'Command Post'

I gave the motorist a verbal warning for speeding...
She was a good-looking blonde who owned a liquor store and who was free after my shift was over.

Further interview of the witnesses was impossible, due to conditions.
Tonight is my bowling night...

Using only enough force to restrain the subject...
My favourite song is 'Drop kick me Jesus Through the Goal Post of Life'.