I was the best man at the wedding. If I'm the best man, why is she marrying him?
* Jerry Seinfeld
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
* George Burns
I wouldn't object to my wife having the last word- if only she'd get to
it.
* Henny Youngman
My parents stayed together for forty years, but that was out of spite.
* Woody Allen
Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
* Anonymous
Why does a woman work for years to change a man's habits, and then complain that he's not the man she married?
* Barbra Streisand
I told someone I was getting married, and they said "Have you picked a date yet?
I said, "Wow, you can bring a date to your own wedding!?"
"What a country! "
* Yakov Smirnoff
Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, "You're only interested in one thing," and you can't remember what it is.
* Milton Berle
I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me!
* Henny Youngman
I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a
psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a
psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
* Rodney Dangerfield
