- Real programmers don't comment their code. If it was hard to write, it should be hard to read.

- Real programmers don't write application programs, they pro- gram right down on the bare metal. Application programming is for feebs who can't do systems programming.

- Real programmers don't eat quiche. They eat twinkies, and szechevan food.

- Real programmers programs never work right the first time. But if you throw them on the machine they can be patched into working in only a few 30-hours debugging sessions.

- Real programmers don't write in Fortran. Fortran is for pipe stress freaks and crystallography weenies.

- Real programmers never work 9 to 5. If any real programmers are around at 9 am, it's because they were up all night.

- Real programmers don't write in BASIC. Actually, no program- mers write in BASIC, after the age of 12.

- Real programmers don't document. Documentation is for simps who can't read the listings or the object deck.

- Real programmers don't write in Pascal, or Bliss, or Ada, or any of those pinko computer science languages. Strong typing is for people with weak memories.

- Real programmers know better than the users what they need.

- Real programmers think structured programming is a communist plot.

- Real programmers don't use schedules. Schedules are for man- ager's toadies. Real programmers like to keep their manager in suspense.

- Real programmers think better when playing adventure.