I will not erect a statue in my honor
I do not have my own talk show
It's 'fat', not 'phat' 
I do not have friends in high places 
I will not duct tape anything 
Titanic was not the "Ship of Fools" 
I will not stand up and yell "Objection!" 
I am not the one they call 'setting sun' 
Hooked on Ebonics ain't da bomb 
I will not do my impression of "The Full Monty" 
I will not end each answer with: ". . .and the People have spoken!"  
Homework doesn't have to be assigned at home 
'Been there, done that" is not an excuse
The Answer is not always 42 
Goldfish and alka seltzer don't mix 
Time is not the best teacher 
I am not the fifth or sixth Beatle 
I don't not have the right to make one phone call 
School is not the testing ground for laxitives 
I am not one of the Men in Black 
My Gas is my own business 
I will not dance on the flower bed 
I will not foam at the mouth 
No Shoes, No Shirt, No Education 
I am not on candid camera 
My birthday suit is not in style 
German is not "bad language" 
I will not plead insanity 
Teacher does not need to 'get a life' 
I am not a born again pegan 
I did not pose in the swimsuit issue 
I wil not spel fotoconeticalee 
Cheese won't come to my rescue 
I am not the hottest rage in China 
I am not a human vending machine 
None of the children are "damned" 
I did not film the alien autopsy 
I will not guess who's Jockeys aren't genuine 
The teachers are not part of a conspiricy 
Disco is a dance, not sign language 
I will not deck the halls with anything 
I will not fake amniesa 
I will not bang on the drum all day 
Caffene is not a vitamin 
I am not the eighth wonder of the world 
I will not guess teacher's real hair color 
I will not pit a skunk and a snapping turtle in a fight to the death 
I don't get those "cramps" 
I will not mark my territory 
Brainfarts are not real 
I think I need a bigger blackboard 
(This is a joke on the Taco Bell dogs: "I think I need a bigger box!") 
I haven't been selected for jury duty 
Having a student driver sign doesn't make it okay to drive 
I am not an information booth 
I will not give random hugs 
Free speech doesn't cover 1-900 numbers 
"That depends on what your defintion of. . ." is not an answer

Anyone like to add more?
(Sent in by Jake Lennington)