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T-Shirt Sayings:
- If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
- A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
- Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
- Put on your seatbelt... I wanna try something.
- The Universe is a figment of its own imagination.
- There's no future in time travel.
- Tonight's weather: Dark with continued darkness until dawn.
- Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!
- If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
- Smith & Wesson: The original point and click interface.
- Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.
- DCE seeks DTE for mutual exchange of data.
- A day without sunshine is like night.
- There are three kinds of people: Those who can count; those who can't.
- Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?
- What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
- Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
- Chocolate: the OTHER major food group.
- If you can't convince them, confuse them.
- Death is hereditary.
- I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
- I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
- Multitasking - screwing up several things at once.
- Beat the 5 o'clock rush - Leave work at noon!
- I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
- Arachibutyrophobia: fear of peanut butter sticking to roof of mouth.
- Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
- Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
- Polynesia: memory loss in parrots.
- A good pun is its own reword.
- Join the Army, meet interesting people, and kill them.
- I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.
- I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.
- Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
- Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
- Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!
- To err is human, to moo bovine.
- For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
- Friends may come and go, but enemies tend to accumulate.
- Man who smoke pot choke on handle.
- Kurt Cobain Soft Drink: it's extremely bitter and it has no head.
- MicroSloth: "Bringing you ten-year-old technology, tomorrow, maybe."
- How does Teflon stick to the pan?
- OK, so what's the speed of dark?
- Teacher: "Simon, can you say your name backwards?" Simon: "No Mis"
- Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
- Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines!
- Black holes are where God divided by zero.
- All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
- Mary had a little lamb....and Mulder was determined to find out why.
- There's an exception to every rule, except this one.
- In Dog Years I'm Dead
- I am Woman, I am invincible, I am tired
- Age and Treachery will always Overcome Youth and Skill
- TEAM EFFORT Is a lot of people doing what I say
- I'm not unemployed, I'm a consultant