" SLIGHTLY BELOW AVERAGE ":
Dumb as a rock

" EXCEPTIONALLY WELL QUALIFIED ":
Has committed no major blunders lately

" ZEALOUS ATTITUDE ":
Highly Opinionated

" STRONG ADHERENCE TO PRINCIPLES ":
Stubborn as Hell

" TAKES GREAT PRIDE IN WORK ":
Conceited

" REQUIRES WORK-VALUE COUNSELING AT TIMES ":
Lazy and hard-headed

" CHARACTER ABOVE REPROACH ":
Hasn't been arrested or caught stealing lately

" HAPPY AND CONTENT w/POSITION ":
Paid way too much

" UNLIMITED POTENTIAL ":
Will stick with us until retirement

" IS UNUSUALLY LOYAL ":
Want