1) WARNING: consumption of alcohol... may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

2) WARNING: consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an asshole.

3) WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your riends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD.

4) WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.

5) WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.

6) WARNING: consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your pants.

7) WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and/or name you can't remember).

8) WARNING: consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.

9) WARNING: consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named Chuck.

10) WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.

11) WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.

12) WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to disappear.

13) WARNING: consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy.