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**** The Barber Shop Sketch ****
**** From Monty Python's Flying Circus ****
**** And "And Now for Something Completely Different" ****
**** Transcribed by Dave Bregman ( FAC1037@UOFT01.BITNET ) ****
**** and edited by Malcolm Dickinson ( CLARINET@YALEVM.BITNET ) ****
The Barbershop Sketch
Customer: Hello, is this the Barbershop Sketch?
Barber: Y-y-yes sir. B-b-b-be with you in a minute.
(The barber is now washing and re-washing his hands, trying to remove the
obvious blood-stains from them and his coat.)
Barber: H-h-how would you like it sir?
Customer: Just short back and sides.
Barber: How do you do that?
Customer: Oh, you know, just short back and sides.
Barber: It's not a... a razor cut, RAZOR CUT BLOOD ARTERY MURDER SPUrt.. arr...
Customer: No, just ordinary short back and sides, you know...
Barber: It's just s-s-s-scissors then...
Customer: Yes.
Barber: You wouldn't rather forget all about it?
Customer: What?
Barber: You wouldn't prefer to have it just combed?
Customer: Oh, no.. I want something cut off!
Barber: Cut, CUT HEART HITCHCOCK MURDER BLOOD PSYCHO HOMICIDE SPURT ARTERY
TREMOR CORTEX Arrrgg...!
(The barber fakes a few quick snips.)
Barber: There, finished.
Customer: I beg your pardon?
Barber: I've finished cutting, cutting, CUTTING, CUTTING YOUR HAIR!
Customer: Well, you haven't even done any cutting yet.
Barber: All right, I confess I didn't cut your hair. I hate hair. I-I I
can't bear cutting it. I have this uncontrolable fear whenever I see
hair. My mother said I was a fool! She said the only way to
overcome my fear would be to become a barber. I didn't want to be a
barber.
I wanted to be... A *LUMBERJACK*!
(music up)
**** Continued in LUMBERJK PYTHON ****
**** end of file BARBER PYTHON 8/30/87 ****
